please let me escape reality.

Is there anyway to press pause? I just want a few days where I don’t exist anymore, I don’t want to die, I’m actually incredibly content with myself but as the days merge into each other and I try to cling onto the happiness, I feel myself slowly drifting, am I even conscious? The sun rises and sets and I scramble to write down what I’ve done for the day, before I know it I’m back to Monday and thinking to myself do I really have to do this all over again? 

When I close my eyes It’s like I can feel the world moving and drifting around me, time is going so fast but life feels so slow. I think about yesterday but it was actually last year, how are we back here ? 

Waves crash inside of me each time with a different feeling- I’m not the same person as i was 2 seconds ago and I’ll be a different person by the time you’re reading this, I don’t even know who I am. 

There’s fleeting moments when I feel the fire come back...when I’m watching the sunset, looking at the moon or when I lose myself in a book or a song... Then I remember what it feels like to be lost in laughter with my friends; dancing until the suns coming up; getting lost in someone else’s touch; I miss the times when I wouldn’t look at my phone for hours and hours and time would fade away and cease to exist.

I don’t want to wake up and go to sleep with the guilt of not living my life to the fullest anymore. Please let me escape reality.